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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Old People Phone Calls


I get so tired of old people calling me for no good reason.
My mom calls during a snowstorm.
"I'm hungry, I'm starving!"
"The power's out, my can opener won't work."
I say "Just use the manual kind."
She says "I can't!" "My arthritis is flaring up, I cant turn it."
Then she starts telling me "I don't have any water, the well won't work with no electricity."
So I tell her about how she can drink the water in the back of the toilet.
And she's all "I already flushed it!"
So then I tell her about a can of Pringles in the attic, behind the weight set.
Then she starts screaming about how "That's how I hurt my back in the first place, carrying your weights to the attic!"
"I'm thirsty!"
So I say "Mom, stop being so dramatic, just walk over to my house, you can stay in the garage."
Then she's all
"It's windy and snowing and my walker gets stuck in the drifts."
So now I have to drive five miles to her house to pick her up.
Man, life's not fair!
at

8 comments:

  1. billy pilgrimSaturday, March 20, 2010 at 4:35:00 PM CDT

    a while back i was i the check out line buying a little manual can opener and the guy behind me says "those things can come in handy"

    i said, "handy, they're feckin essential if you want to open a can".

    the guy went nuts calling me a smartass, asshole......

    i never knew those things were so controversial.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yellowdoggrannySaturday, March 20, 2010 at 5:35:00 PM CDT

    billy could get into a tussle at a christning..
    if that had been me and my kid? i'd be ass deep in snow and still waiting..

    ReplyDelete
  3. texlahomaSaturday, March 20, 2010 at 5:43:00 PM CDT

    Billy - people are touchy about those things.

    YDG - I was just kidding, I treat my mom a little better than that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. texlahomaSunday, March 21, 2010 at 8:46:00 AM CDT

    I thought the part about drinking the water out of the toilet and expecting her to walk (with a walker) five miles in a snowstorm and the letting her stay in my garage would give away the fact that I wasn't serious.

    ReplyDelete
  5. yellowdoggrannySunday, March 21, 2010 at 10:01:00 PM CDT

    I knew you were kidding..I was the one that wasn't kidding..silly boy..
    that post could have been done by my sons and it would have been true.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mr. CharlestonTuesday, March 23, 2010 at 5:26:00 AM CDT

    Geeze Tex, I surprised you didn't tell her to melt snow. Next Chrismas give her a battery operated can opener.

    ReplyDelete
  7. texlahomaTuesday, March 23, 2010 at 3:59:00 PM CDT

    YDG - Oh, ok, I wasn't sure.

    Mr. C - Good thinking, I'll get her that and a Bic lighter (to melt the snow with).

    ReplyDelete
  8. crazy4coensSaturday, March 27, 2010 at 7:01:00 PM CDT

    i think i might resemble the mother in this story.

    i hate it when the power goes out and there's no water.

    our toilet tanks are full of black mold clinging to the walls. that's normal, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete

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